Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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