drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
