My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
