maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
