Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
