Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
