thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
