I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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