Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
