my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
