Will you blow on my dice?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i dont even know how to be here
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
