If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
