I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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