so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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