She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
