I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ttyl tear gas
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
