it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
