perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
