Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
