i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
