Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
