4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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