she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
