I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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