the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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