She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
