I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
