Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
