paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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