His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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