i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
