Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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