she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
