her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
