He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
