I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
