I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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