Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
