These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
