you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
