I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
