a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
