You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
