according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
