While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
