i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
