ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
