i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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