You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
