The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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