so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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