final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
