She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
