My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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