Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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