We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
