I wannas sexs uuuuu
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
