she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
