PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
