Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
